Here I lay in bed next to my snoozing husband- wide awake. I can't turn my brain off so I've decided to type. I have an appointment with my OB on Wednesday. The anxiety has already set in. This pregnancy has been hard- and extra long. I feel (although i know it's not the case) that every time we go in we hear bad news. I already want to brace myself so I'm more prepared. Why am I like this?? I need to relax and have faith. (it's what my mom is constantly telling me). Anybody who knows me knows It's pretty impossible for me to not be a nervous anxious reck about everything. I'm a head case.
After a roller coaster of a first trimester (we won't even go there)- I was still pregnant (great news) and was finally feeling better. At 14 weeks I had a little panic attack when Dr Lunt couldn't find the heart beat. When he finally did I almost hugged him. It took him a good 5 minutes. (that is loooong) At 16 weeks I found out we get to have another princess in our lives. So exciting! But by the end of the ultra sound after finding out i had something called Amniotic Band Syndrome- I was only hearing words like "disformities" "amputations" "taking baby early" "seeing a specialist" and "there's nothing we can do." I was pretty much walking in a cloud. Dr Lunt did his best at making us "feel better" and told us to try not to worry and we will see how she's doing at 19 weeks. Merry Christmas! That is a long three weeks. I also made the HUGE mistake of looking it up online for abut 30 seconds. So dumb. 19 week ultrasound. I was hoping for the best but prepared for the worst. I almost didnt want to look. What if my little girl was all tangled in my own uterus? I could tell right away she was looking great. There was no sign of ABS and baby girl was looking perfect! Miracle. But then we got to the part where they check her heart. 45. 45 beats a minute. At first I thought we were hearing mine but then realized it was my baby's. "Not good" is what the tech told us. I could tell she didn't quite know what to do. After 45 seconds it finally recovered and went back to 155. Dr lunt came right in to talk to us. The problem was they didn't know how long it had been really low like that because it was low as soon as she put the monitor on to listen. They started asking about heart problems in our families- and looking more closely at her heart. The good news is they could see four chambers and it seemed to be pumping correctly. So we get the good old "there's nothing we can do- so try not to worry" speech once again. He told me I could come in and listen to the heart any day any time. (I love my dr.) but to mostly pay attention to movement throughout the day. Good thing there has been no shortage of that lately. So hear I lay- worrying like a crazy person. We will see how it goes. Hoping for only good news this time!